Tuesday, May 8, 2012


photo: Mark Mathosian

Sleep doesn't live here anymore.

He moved out when we had a baby.  He thought about coming back, but then our neighbors had a baby.

We share a wall with them, and it must be made out of tissue paper or imagination because it blocks newborn cries about as well as a ballerina trying to stand between a sumo wrestler and a buffet.  It stops sound like a Keebler Elf guarding Lebron.

Sleep sneaks back in every once in a while, but he is discovered, chased out, and bludgeoned to death by ill-timed alarm clocks, conflicting body rhythms, and occasionally a chicken (or guinea pig or dog).

I love Charlotte.  I used to like sleep a lot too.  I'm sure they could find a way to live together in the same house.  It has to be possible, right?

For a while, I conspired with Sleep's enemy Caffeine, but Caffeine is sort of a tricksy fellow who likes to stick around long after Sleep wanted to attempt a comeback.

Sometimes it feels like Sleep has returned, but it's just his impostor cousin Doze.  Doze is a lot like Sleep, but he never sticks around long enough for us to really get to know him.

I know Sleep wants to see me.  Sometimes he tries to visit me at work, even while I'm standing up in the middle of the store.  We have got to find a way to see each other.  We used to be such good friends.

Sleep, I know things have been rough between us, but I swear you're welcome back anytime.  Please come home.  Soon.

We'll leave the lights off for you.


  1. All I can say is that it gets so much better. Number Two has been much easier for us because we know that it does, in fact, get better! Sleep will make a welcomed return and it will feel like water in a desert. Then, just a few weeks later, you will start thinking--"it wasn't that bad."

    1. I'm sure it will. It just seems like it's two steps forward, one step back.

  2. As a word of encouragement- I don't think I've slept a full night in almost 7 years. The first one didn't sleep through the night until he was 4, by then we had the 2nd one- and he's our 'night ninja' who loves to sneak silently into larger accommodations and then tap dance on my kidney. The third one mysteriously arrived in the middle of that chaos and has pushed us into buying a king sized bed. People keep telling me they'll eventually sleep through the night, but I think those people are liars.

    Hey- but don't worry, it'll get worse soon!

    1. I'll have you know that I laughed out loud while on break at work when I read the "night ninja"/"tap dance on my kidney" party. People thought I was crazy. Well, more than normal anyway.

  3. I guess I'm spoiled. Our daughter started sleeping through the night at 2 months and hasn't stopped for 2 years so far.

    1. Charlotte's actually pretty good most nights. It's just that she's unfortunately not the only factor ruining our sleep.


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